Burnout manifested in the weirdest way for me, and it was exacerbated from a reason I didn’t expect.
When we’re talking about burnout, we might picture fatigue, exhaustion, and insomnia. For me, I just got cynical. It was hard for me to derive joy from work that was supposed to be meaningful. My empathy was depleted. I wanted to care for my colleagues, but I had no capacity left. Even in my personal life, I stopped reaching out to friends. Climbing was the only thing that kept me going.
As for reasons for burnout, we typically associate it with the workload. But there are other overlooked factors which include perceived lack of control, perceived lack of reward, perceived lack of fairness, and values mismatch. (Read: Areas of Worklife model by Christina Maslach and Michael P. Leiter.)
For me, it was the value mismatch that drained me of any desire, satisfaction, or motivation to continue being in any one environment.
Because time and time again, I’ve encountered bad managers who demonstrated such lack of humanity when dealing with their subordinates:
- Managers who micro-manage and overcorrect their subordinates’ work, without giving them proper guidance (yet complained about “how hard I work” every Monday meeting)
- Managers who throw their subordinates under the bus to wash themselves of responsibilities
- Managers who expect their subordinates to work exactly like them, without considering each individual strengths, weaknesses, and life circumstances
- Managers who expect their subordinates to get things right according to “best practices”, yet never take the time to teach, in principles, what do all that mean
- Managers who insult and patronise others; who turn every conversation into an opportunity to inflate their self-worth by minimizing others
- Managers who might not have all the aforementioned toxicity, but they are simply, absent
In all of these places, I have made my reservations known to the higher-ups. Yet I get the same responses - that nothing much can be done, that profit takes priority over humanity, that every other place has the same problems.
But I refuse that. I refuse to live in any world where toxicity is justified and tolerated. I’ve never tolerated that in my personal life, why would I do so at work?
So, this is a Sumpah Laknat.
I spit on leaders who agreed to take on their role (along with whatever power and compensation that come with it) yet are so wholly incompetent, nor have the desire to improve, in dealing with the human aspects of it.
I spit on their direct leaders who are responsible for overseeing the operations, yet are so spineless to make any changes.
Granted, I was never in a C-level/director position to understand the scope of what they have to deal with, but that’s why I choose to stay on my level. I will advocate for culture in every room that I walk into. And if my voice is left unheard, I shall walk out the door.
Meta
Originally written and published on June 20, 2023