This is a lamentation.
I’ve been feeling profoundly existential as of late. The nights are either dead silent or chest-tighteningly heavy. There’s a growing restlessness because work is unfulfilling and the social disconnectedness makes it all the more disorienting.
We don’t always get what we fight for, I get that. There are commercial interests and economic pressure, so we give and take. But how far does one compromise for the sake of the greater good, if there even is one?
We’re not promised good karma for all that we fight for. Maybe there isn’t a higher power, maybe they don’t care. Maybe 35 years later I’ll realize that I have achieved nothing, I couldn’t even make a dent. In fact, if I know that for sure right now, and I couldn’t find it in me to submit to reality, I might as well cut my breath short.
But I don’t know that for sure yet. So I got to try.
Now, this is statement of intent.
I want to educate. Or rather, I wish for a more understanding and more united Malaysia (and the world) by means of education. Content with substance instead of pure fluff, no compromising on that.
Since the end goal is to foster goodness among people, values such as good communication, empathy, and empowerment have to be upheld within the working environment as well. Nurturing culture, no compromising on that.
And here comes reality, in that the real world is indifferent. This promised land that I’m looking for, where the creative direction is aligned with the fiscal outlook, might not even exist.
But I don’t know that for sure yet. So I got to try.
So this is a declaration, a reminder for future self. However I choose to live my life for the next 35 years, these two things will be a part of the essence. To live any other way is to have died long before my time.
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence become an act of rebellion.” - Albert Camus
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Originally written and published on April 5, 2023