For SPM, I only scored 2As while a non-Malay classmate of mine got 10As. I got offered two universities, she got none.

I kept silent because I feel ashamed that I have always got it easy. I knew that I can give half the effort my entire life and still be able to feed myself. And what have I done to deserve this special treatment? Absolutely nothing. My ancestors just happened to step into this land a few generations earlier.

But my friend, her father, and her father’s father have been here as long as I do. They work hard, they take care of their families, they pray to God. They are no different than me. They are us.

To have a law that treats a person based solely on the color of their skin, goes against everything that I have been taught, that I have believe in.

And I believe in justice.

Reading my previous entry makes me feel bleh, if bleh is an emotion you could use to describe how you were unimpressed. So I summarized my three-months stay in Teach For Malaysia by saying that I have grown in terms of time management, confidence, and at looking ahead.

Which are pretty much what I could say again three, six, twelve months down the road.

It was too general, too vague. It’s like reading your sign in the horoscope section thinking, “Oh this is sooo me!”, only to read all the other eleven signs which also sound so much like you.

Incremental growth is good. But to measure progress, I need something more concrete. Like that time when I finished my first e-book. That’s some sense of achievement. I need more of that, sense of achievement.

This morning I went for a school visit at SMK Setapak Tinggi with Sawittri. In the class, there was this one boy who looked at me with an immense amount of interest. After a moment of hesitation, he mustered up courage and step forward. He said to me, “Bang, you look like Michael Jackson.”

I should do school visit more often.

Stop, it’s hammer time!

I have never actually heard of that song.

Anyway, it’s reflection time! It has been three months since I have started working in Teach For Malaysia. It feels short yet a lot of things have happened. A lot of meaningful human connections have been formed, for which I am ever so grateful.

Being involved in a non-profit organisation is a good choice to build character. I am in an environment that consistently reminds myself to think more about the unfortunate, and less on morbid self-attention.

(Of course, I can’t change the world if I don’t change myself first. Moderation is the key.)

In terms of growth, I have particularly improved on time management, confidence, and looking ahead. Time management have always been a big issue that I deeply worries about, and now learning to take it easier on myself. Currently I’m using the management matrix to plan my work by the week. Methods might come and go, but I take comfort in knowing that there is no one ‘true’ method, and it will keep changing to suit the moment. As long as I get my work done.

As for confidence, it might be an age thing, something that is acquired through time. Despite being  surrounded by amazing people, I have never been surer of my own unique qualities, and more importantly, what I want out of life, work, and relationships.

Which brings me to the third point, looking ahead. I grasp a better sense of time, space, and direction. I can look further.

Grateful.

This is someone else’s dreams that I don’t mind being part of, for now. I still haven’t forgotten mine. Hopefully the many months to come will be a journey that brings me closer towards it.

Insya-Allah.

Hi all,

Recently I discovered that I am much more productive when writing email as compared to writing a blog post. With email, once I started writing I will finish it all the way through the end, whereas a blog post will be left hanging while searching for the right paraghraph to begin or end the post.

With email, I found myself to be more relaxed. Since I am writing to an acquaintance, the tone is more conversational and I worry less about structural or grammatical imperfections.

It can also end very abruptly with just “Ta!” yet it is forgiven.

Ta!

With gratitude,
Muhammad Khairul.

There are two bad habits that I want to stop doing: cursing and gossiping.

While cursing is easy to quit because it only requires the effort of one person, gossiping is harder because it takes two. Whenever a friend start talking about another friend and his shortcomings, part of me want to steer away from the topic, part of me kinda wanna hear about still (uhh).

Gossiping is bad, it’s a disease of the 21st century and the centuries of our forefathers. It shapes our perception towards a person involuntarily, and worse, the way we treat them. This is unfair because it’s not us who he has done wrong, yet he is judged by it.

Gossiping breeds negativity. It’s toxic. It keeps your mind focused on the trivial things. It makes your complacent and mediocre.

Join this fight against watercooler chit-chat! The next time your friend start telling the story about that particular person again (and usually it is the same story), change the topic. Don’t feel bad of not having much to talk with her anymore, because there is so much more to talk about! The weather, the current state of education, the latest episode of Game of Thrones! So much more, really.

One day, all children and adults will attain the opportunity to have excellent conversation. Peace.