“Abang Khairul sekarang dah ada rambut baru, makin hensem, makin sombong pulak”. Tasha mengadu kepada Haziq.

“Tak puas hati betul”. Ah. Ini yang buat hati saya cair.

Kedua-duanya sepupu saya. Beza umur kami lebih 10 tahun, namun inilah kawan-kawan yang saya cari bila pulang ke Negeri Sembilan. Dengan mereka sahajalah saya boleh mengarut boleh merepek. Terutamanya dengan Tasha. Cerdik dan banyak bicara.

Bagaimana dengan sepupu yang lainnya, yang dewasa itu semua? Entah. Tak tahu nak cakap apa selain daripada “Belajar di mana” atau “Kerja di mana”. Kemudian (pura-pura) terkejut bila dapat tahu yang masing-masing duduk di KL, bolehlah singgah bila ada masa. Jadi kami bertukar nombor telefon, dan setahun berlalu tanpa sesiapa menghubungi sesiapa. Bila jumpa lagi berulanglah perbualan yang sama. Bosan.

Sudah maklumlah yang balik kampung itu bosan. Lebih bosan daripada makan tengah hari bersama rakan sekerja atau perhimpunan semula rakan sekolah lama. Kerana apa sahaja persamaan yang ada di kampung selain daripada pertalian saudara?

Kami lebih rapat sewaktu kecil dahulu. Bermain dan keluar beraya bersama-sama. Tidur sebelah-menyebelah. Mandi pun pernah sekali. Entah di mana sewaktu masing-masing membesar, hubungan itu semakin renggang.

Kadang-kadang saya ada mencuba. Cuba wujudkan perbualan, atau melawak sahaja. Tapi kalau dah saya seorang sahaja yang mencuba, lebih baiklah saya sambung mengarut dan merepek, bersama Haziq dan Tasha.

Every day we learn something new about ourselves. Case in point: today I’ve learnt that my spiciness tolerance is actually higher than the average human male. This is a shocking discovery considering my household wasn’t much of a chilly fan due to my dad’s gastric which was conveniently caused by eating too much chillies. Yet being the by-product of Pahang and Negeri Sembilan made me the man I am today — one that can consume a considerably high degree of spiciness.

On a more serious note, today I have reaffirmed the fact that I am excellent at brainstorming. I know my field quite well and I am confident in voicing out my opinion. I didn’t have much chance to do this in the previous workplace since it was a sales-driven company which I wasn’t much interested in. How I am glad to be back to a small web development house.

What I lack is the habit to make the ideas concrete. Often it would go unwritten and lost in void as I resume my daily, somewhat menial tasks. Even if they get jotted down, no follow-up action was taken. I need to be more proactive. I need to have more execution. Perhaps I’ll be suitable for a managerial role where I delegate tasks instead of executing, but then I need to have more sense of ownership myself.

Speaking of menial tasks, I also get easily get bored with same role after a while. My attention span is short, sometimes the ability to concentrate will diminished completely and I’ll just stare blankly at the screen. It’s another thing that I often feel the need to tie up everything I do to a higher purpose, so I’ll always ask myself what’s the point of what I’m doing, will they benefit me in the long run. That can be good, but not when it’s being done too quick and too often. There’s no such thing as “Learn programming in 10 days”. Mastery requires patience.

TL;DR version: I’m a man who can vomit ideas. What I need to complement that is more execution, execution, execution.

Such a joy it is, to hear news of a friend’s achievement. Did you know that Marianne’s video “Alone, Forever” has gone viral, reaching over 140K views? She’s so cute in it. When I watched it for the first time, I gave her some credits for good acting. Then she told me that the entire video was done frantically in only one day, and I went whoa.

Alicia got a straight As in her STPM. That’s crazy. Insane. Inhumane. During my short stay in Form Six, one chapter of their textbook equals to one whole semester of college’s. Hence my short stay in Form Six.

That’s it for the good news of the morning. I’m going for lunch. I don’t always go for lunch, but when I do, I eat sushi. Isn’t wasabi the greatest invention the Japanese has ever made.

Let’s start the day by being grateful. I am grateful for all of the women in my life. My mom who repeats the same story every time I go back home, and I’m grateful that she has started telling me stories. Along whom I consult professional matters to, you are getting married soon and that’s the best gift you can give mom and dad. Angah my partner-in-crime, my comrade, my best friend, I’m glad that you are moving up in your career.

For my women friends, they are a lot. Michelle, oh do you even have to ask why. Joanne, you changed my perception towards films, that they are not a time-waster but a very significant tool of culture and linguistic. Gaelle, who supported me through this journey of self-discovery. Melanie, because I just love you so! Audra, I’m becoming the man that you wanted me to be (the horror). Xin Xin, aren’t we grateful for modern commodities such as MSN Messenger and WhatsApp? Syakirin, I miss you. Ruby, let’s spend hours talking at Picadilly because you are a friend that I can talk for hours with. Marianne, that goes for you as well. Yen, my best-film-buddy. Jolene, you are a cool person like me hence we should hang out more. Nirah, for caring, for understanding. Celine, for all the times we had, and will have (and I love you, I do).

For myself, for being half the woman I am. Ha. Okay that joke is getting old.

I have so many kind, smart and good looking female friends. Aren’t I the luckiest guy alive.

“Hi, my name is Khairul, I’m sure you guys won’t have much trouble remembering that since it’s one of the most common Malay name ever”, I introduced myself.

“At least it’s not Muhammad”, a girl said, in an effort to make me feel better.

“Well, ya, but name is Muhammad Khairul”, and we laughed.

In school, I would have at least three other Khairul in my batch alone. I never had much trouble being called for the wrong person though, as my friends always made up names for me, usually  something related to my size. Among the lots were Kecik (small), Kenit (also means small), Khai, Comel (cute, but of course), even Arnie (as in Anakin Skywalker). My favorites are my online handle MK, and K since Michelle called me that. Most of the time, I’m fine with just Khairul.

Among the Khairul, my name is odd because it’s incomplete. In Arabic, the ‘ul’ is supposed to be part of the next word. There’s Khair ul-Anam that means “The best man”, Khair ul-Anwar that means “The best light”, Khairuddin that means “The best religion”, and there’s me, just Khairul with a blank space for a word to be filled in. My parents must have not made a proper research. Can’t really blame them, Wikipedia was nonexistent back then.

Once, a friend told me that it’s up to me to complete my own name. I was awed by her profound statement (more so because she doesn’t always say  profound things). Her name, unlike mine, is unique, she is the only Cassandra I’ve known.

How do I introduce my name to non-Malaysians? “Cairo? As in the city in Egypt?”, they’ll say. Sure, we have Sydney and Paris, so why not. Telling it to Japanese would be harder I presume, since they don’t have closed syllables. I’m going to Osaka on May, I’m thinking of introducing myself as Kaoru. Sound like a girl name, but I’m half a girl anyway.

If I could have an English name, the closest one would be Carl. I prefer Alexander though, it sounds so legendary and epic. A friend told me that I look more like a Malcolm. Well, better that than Dick. What kind of parents name their son a Dick. Speaking of which, I don’t actually have any friends named Tom, Dick, or Harry.

Despite the commonness and oddity, I have always liked my name, as everyone else would have liked theirs. I take comfort in knowing that it’s not as bad as Nguyen, as one of my close friends is. His name is Nguyen Nguyen. You can’t even choose to address him formally or casually.

Someday when I have a colleague named Will, I’ll annoy him everyday, asking, “Where’s Way?”

Maybe, my name is not meant to be complete. I’ll be whoever I want, anytime I want. I’ll be the jack of all trades, the everyman. I’ll be Khairul, and every more.

Two things that are true about the habit of writing down what you’ve learned: 1) People agree that it’s the right thing to do. 2) Point #1 doesn’t matter, because they don’t like doing it anyway.

Writing takes time which could rather be spent on working. This is a myth, the second biggest misconception in the modern age (the first one is believing that cracking your knuckles actually causes athritis). Publishing takes time, writing doesn’t. Submitting a review on IMDB can take around 30 minutes, jotting down “nl2br() is a function for line break” only takes 5 seconds. I already measured both.

For tools of the trade, I highly recommend Notational Velocity (Mac) or ResophNotes (Windows). Creating notes is easy, almost with no barrier to entry. No titles needed, no manual saving, no organizing. Just write. To refer back on what you have written, just search (pragmatic programmer’s rule #2, search trumps navigation). The search bar and writing area is one, which will save you a lot of time. Search-as-you-type, which will save you a lot more time.

If you need more bells and whistles, try Evernote. This is what I’m using right now to record the solutions I’ve found while handling Anwers.

Don’t let your discoveries go to waste. The accumulated knowledge will prove to be very useful in the long run. Start writing today, for a better tomorrow.

I had lunch with a gorgeous lady today,
she used to be a person to admire and envy,
back in the place where I used to be.

I have since left and went away,
yet I’m sure she is still that way.

You hear stories about people.
Some are good, some are not.

But never judge a person,
until you have met her in person,
in an one-on-one conversation.

“What is it about guys that makes them want to screw anything that walks, even when they’re going out with someone as awesome as Allegra Cole?” – Sara, Hitch (2005).

In the age of American TV and 9gag, we have come to accept the idea that men and women can’t be friends. This applies more exclusively to guys. If you have a non-work relationship with a girl but you are not dating her or fucking her, then you are losing The Game. Thus, the term ‘friendzone’ was born.

That is a tough way to live. It is as if a man is always in this ‘hunting’ mode, preying on every single attractive female that he lay his eyes on. His flirting switch is constantly turned on, looking for any chance to make a move. His self-worth depends entirely on the ability to get girls into bed. It’s only about sex, which is sad, because even sex means so much more than just fucking.

Try to see differently.

Try to see a girl as a human being. Try to have a genuine conversation. Talk about each other’s day, about national politics, about extra-terrestrial beings. Exchange your favorite books, films, and music. Tell stories, make jokes. Go to a shopping mall together. Ask for tips on fashion, offer advice on computers (or the other way around). Share your dreams, hope, and beliefs. Share this journey called life.

Friendship is the best thing that can happen between one human being with another. Appreciate its beauty and abundance, how much happiness it can bring.

Soul mate you need to have only one. Friends, you need them plenty. A lot. Hundreds.

There was a short period of my life where I felt that everything was meaningless.

It was a good period.

Think about it — if everything is meaningless, then there would be no point of doing anything at all. No point of working hard to prove your worth in your career. No point of thinking about her and the complications that come along. No point of chasing deadlines on responsibilities that you put upon yourself. No point to even level up your Priest character in Dragon Nest.

Nothing, or no one, matters in this life.

Upon this realization, I reached enlightenment. I was set free.

Free from expectations from others, and myself. Free from ego and pride, from guilt and regret. Free to do anything that I want to. And so I did.

It was a good period. Let me be reminded.

For the sake of happiness, there are too much qualities about myself that I would like to have. I’d like to be radically focused at work, have more empathy towards others, speak less. I’d like to remember that my source of joy doesn’t come from one particular person, I wish I have more humility, and I wanted to call home more often.

So I did some goal setting activities on self-improvisation, outlining categories – God in the first column, family in the second, career, friends, and so on. Then I scored myself on them on a weekly basis. But there were too many things to remember, I got overwhelmed, and under-performing categories demotivated the rest. It didn’t last long.

For 2012, I am taking a different approach. I’ll go slower, I’ll tackle them one by one. Inspired by The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, I am having a theme for each month, on qualities that I wanted to have.

For January, it is the month of being content. It is important to start this journey knowing that I am enough. I am sufficient. Being content will prepare me for the rest of the other challenges. Most importantly, even if this whole project doesn’t really turn out the way I wanted it to be, I am still content of who I am.

Instead of scoring myself on the theme, I decided to do something that I do best – write. Every time an internal conflict arises, I turn to my trusty notebook and write about how I should be content on the matter. When I write about it, I am reminded of many good things – my comfortable shelter, abundance of friends, well-equipped intellect. By the end of the day, I realized that I have the honor to not just being content, but also being grateful.

Hopefully when I have write them enough, these qualities would be ingrained into my subconscious. They would become parts of me.

The first half of January has been going really good so far. Looking forward to another half, and beyond.

We never really give ourselves some time to think. Not since the Internet.

The computer is one hell of a distraction machine. We are on auto-pilot the moment we put our hands on the keyboard, typing ‘Facebook’ into the address bar as if it is a subconscious act, wired into our brain to fill every two-seconds gap we have in this life. Scary, scary world we are living in.

When I am outside, there are a lot of things on my mind. On the train, in the coffee shop, even while staring throughout the window. I think of ideas, problems, and reflections.

The only thing that is left to do is to put those ideas into a tangible manner. Write it down. Don’t let them go to waste.

But first, I need some time, to think.

January is the month of contentment. It is important to start this journey knowing that I am enough, I am sufficient.

I am grateful for my strengths, I do not moan of my weaknesses. Who I am now is the best person I could have ever been.

I open my heart and mind to all possibilities of learning. There is no rush, no plan, no goal. Just, learn.

I am surrounded by a blanket of love from family and friends. I am loved. I will always be loved.