There was a short period of my life where I felt that everything was meaningless.

It was a good period.

Think about it — if everything is meaningless, then there would be no point of doing anything at all. No point of working hard to prove your worth in your career. No point of thinking about her and the complications that come along. No point of chasing deadlines on responsibilities that you put upon yourself. No point to even level up your Priest character in Dragon Nest.

Nothing, or no one, matters in this life.

Upon this realization, I reached enlightenment. I was set free.

Free from expectations from others, and myself. Free from ego and pride, from guilt and regret. Free to do anything that I want to. And so I did.

It was a good period. Let me be reminded.

For the sake of happiness, there are too much qualities about myself that I would like to have. I’d like to be radically focused at work, have more empathy towards others, speak less. I’d like to remember that my source of joy doesn’t come from one particular person, I wish I have more humility, and I wanted to call home more often.

So I did some goal setting activities on self-improvisation, outlining categories – God in the first column, family in the second, career, friends, and so on. Then I scored myself on them on a weekly basis. But there were too many things to remember, I got overwhelmed, and under-performing categories demotivated the rest. It didn’t last long.

For 2012, I am taking a different approach. I’ll go slower, I’ll tackle them one by one. Inspired by The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, I am having a theme for each month, on qualities that I wanted to have.

For January, it is the month of being content. It is important to start this journey knowing that I am enough. I am sufficient. Being content will prepare me for the rest of the other challenges. Most importantly, even if this whole project doesn’t really turn out the way I wanted it to be, I am still content of who I am.

Instead of scoring myself on the theme, I decided to do something that I do best – write. Every time an internal conflict arises, I turn to my trusty notebook and write about how I should be content on the matter. When I write about it, I am reminded of many good things – my comfortable shelter, abundance of friends, well-equipped intellect. By the end of the day, I realized that I have the honor to not just being content, but also being grateful.

Hopefully when I have write them enough, these qualities would be ingrained into my subconscious. They would become parts of me.

The first half of January has been going really good so far. Looking forward to another half, and beyond.

We never really give ourselves some time to think. Not since the Internet.

The computer is one hell of a distraction machine. We are on auto-pilot the moment we put our hands on the keyboard, typing ‘Facebook’ into the address bar as if it is a subconscious act, wired into our brain to fill every two-seconds gap we have in this life. Scary, scary world we are living in.

When I am outside, there are a lot of things on my mind. On the train, in the coffee shop, even while staring throughout the window. I think of ideas, problems, and reflections.

The only thing that is left to do is to put those ideas into a tangible manner. Write it down. Don’t let them go to waste.

But first, I need some time, to think.

January is the month of contentment. It is important to start this journey knowing that I am enough, I am sufficient.

I am grateful for my strengths, I do not moan of my weaknesses. Who I am now is the best person I could have ever been.

I open my heart and mind to all possibilities of learning. There is no rush, no plan, no goal. Just, learn.

I am surrounded by a blanket of love from family and friends. I am loved. I will always be loved.

2011 was the year of ‘now’. I made decisions on matters that I had been holding back for long. I got a passport, traveled out of the country, quit my job. It was fun, I have no regrets.

2012 will be the year of ‘creating’. I’ll write, draw, take photos, and record videos. I’ll leave notes and postcards to my friends. I’ll produce essays that will be of use to others. I’ll contribute to the society.

What more can the heart of a man desire?